Sacrifice. . .saying Goodbye. . .

I read two blogs today that said basically the same thing. . .letting go of self. WOW! All in about an hour of putting the boys to bed and losing my patience with Alexander, feeling disrespected. . . But here's what I'm thinking as I'm reading and fuming just a little bit. . .

- We've been to the bookstore where you love to sit and look at books.
- I've fed you your favorite lunch, hotdogs and mac-n-cheese
- We've played at the pool for over an hour
- Made breakfast for dinner because I didn't have anything else
- Played a board game
- Read two chapters in our book

And I'm supposed to say goodbye to my need for control, my entitlement, my rights (Kari Patterson in Sacred Mundane) and I'm to ask "What am I to sacrifice?" (Desiring God Blog).

At first (and for a while) I'm irritated and wonder when do I get to do what I want, when I want to. Then I realized that I only have these little people for such a short time and we are the ones they are looking to for love and grace and example. . . . I realize I need to ask myself everyday, "Will I sacrifice?" And sometimes it's every moment, "Will I sacrifice - when. . . ."

- I'm trying to have a quiet time and one child is up early and I don't finish
- I am completely spent, but my child's behavior requires me to be patient and listen
- I have to cancel a play date because a child is sick
- I want to see what a friend is doing or talk on the phone, but a disagreement needs help resolving

Too often I tend to the necessary tasks and wonder why my children aren't more grateful or respectful. But what about my attitude? OUCH!!!

Am I joyful as I'm "interrupted"?
Am I serving my children like I'm serving God?
Will I die to self?

So thankful that tomorrow is a new day and I can once again say good-bye to my old self and in my weakness, He is strong and through each tear, triumph and trial, I can ask myself, "will I sacrifice?"

Lord help me to serve You joyfully and remember this is the day You have made and let us rejoice in it!

I'm testing out this whole Blogging thing. I want to track what I do and my thoughts on these days, but not sure how to do it or keep up with it. Ha ha! Adding another thing to my plate. Maybe this would be good for me to look back on.

My twin 8 year old boys keep me busy and I want to treasure these days and not forget them in the midst of the chaos. So, I will try to keep up with my days and how I felt and what we did and how I see God working in it all.